Spanx

'Scuse me, "shapewear." Why do we do it ladies?

For those of you who aren't currently at the end of a long work day wearing them, I know what you're thinking...

- they smooth out your bra line
- they make your belly, butt, thighs, or other problem areas smaller
- they just make everything in general less... jiggly

These are all true facts.

But here are some other ones. When you put on Spanx in the morning, you know, before you've had anything to eat or drink, and you check yourself out right before you walk out the door, make up fresh and perfect, hair on point, you think "Damn! I look good!" Then the day goes on and they start creeping and rolling (you know what I'm talkin' 'bout), you start to feel more like "Damn! I feel like a sausage!" and you end up feeling fatter and uglier than you would have if you just hadn't bothered with them to begin with. Am I right? You know I'm right...